What Do You Do When Someone Criticizes You?

I received this week one of the most devastating emails I think I ever received. We can’t please everyone and only a fool thinks they can. There are people and businesses that  disagree with my philosophies, beliefs, and teachings. That’s fine, that’s normal and as much as we all love to be loved, it is just never going to happen.

I have learned some of my best lessons from criticisms and divergent points of view. In many cases I have changed my position on topics from persuasive opposing opinions. But the email I got was from a member of my audience who agreed with my positions and thought my points were solid enough to come up to me after I spoke and purchased one of my books. If someone doesn’t like you, generally they don’t buy a book.

BUT that’s where the problem occurred and there is a lesson for all of us to learn. Before I go on, I must admit I have absolutely no recollection of this individual. However, she complained that when she came up to purchase a book from me, I was rushed, rude, and insensitive — demonstrating my lack of true customer service. I didn’t even talk to her, quickly scribbled out a fast autograph, and then proceeded to talk to other people.

I can’t defend that. Just as YOU can’t defend the perception a customer has of you. Could I defend myself, sure but who cares? This person has an impression of me that hurts. Why should I even care about one person’s opinion and so what if she thinks I’m a jerk? My attacker went on to tell me how important and influential she was and proceeded to tell me about all of the business I was going to lose and the amount of money I would NEVER see, all because of my insensitivity.

That issue I will address. It’s NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! If anyone thinks I do what I do for just the money, then you don’t understand me or anyone that does what I do. This is a passion and drive to make life better for the people that do what I did. As a man’s life is in the autumn of his life cycle and the winter is just over the horizon, you realize that the material trappings are less important. You realize that making a difference is far more important than making money. That is why I spend hours writing these articles that are distributed worldwide and why I WILL NOT accept a penny from any magazine that choses to run them.

That is also why for the last 13 years I have spent hundreds of hours (actually it’s probably closer to thousands of hours) on the Retailers Association of Massachusetts Awards of Excellence, giving the unsung heroes of our industry the recognition they deserve. And have never accepted any money for all of those efforts.

Yes, criticize me and teach me the lesson that all of us must walk our talk if we are to be believed and respected. I didn’t do that, certainly not intentionally, but it doesn’t matter. I was rude and I am sincerely sorry for my actions. As for scribbling my name in the book, that will unfortunately never go away.

The other thing that was very disturbing was the fact that she refused to recommend my products because she had a bad experience with me. That’s sad. My books have made a difference in businesses and in people’s lives. If my books were all about customer service, then that’s different. My focus is on marketing and running a business and my books have been critically acclaimed and reviewed by some pretty prestigious places. (Actually the second edition of the Dummies Book was just named the #1 Retailing How To Book by About.com.)

So to my accuser, I am guilty as charged but let’s all learn that we don’t throw the baby out with bath water. Lastly, thank you for taking the time to write what you did. I will be more aware of my actions and this will never ever happen again. Well, except for the scribbling.

Note: This article was written before I received a second email from my accuser. After the first email, I did call her on the phone and left her an apologetic message. The following is from her response:

So again, thank you for taking the time to read my email and being so prompt with your phone call. I will let go of the ill feelings I had and enjoy your newsletters from now on. Hopefully, I’ll have the opportunity to hear one of your lectures again, and I’ll be able to sit back and enjoy it and believe you are a man of your words.

I feel a lot better now!